The 5 Different Drunk Girl Stereotypes- WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my guy friends treat me like I’m a dude. If they ever bitch about typical girl behavior, I passionately disagree and say, “OMG who does that?!? I’d never do that! That’s psycho!” and then one of them would say back, “Yah but you’re not like other girls. You don’t count, you’re like a dude.”

I feel flattered by these statements because I don’t consider myself to be very dude-ly, so I must hide the girl-crazy well. I mean, I get obsessive and stage-five  like the next girl, but with my guy friends I must seem pretty laid back and un-crazy. Maybe I dump all of that onto my girlfriends.

I think the craziest of crazy comes out when girls get sloshed. That’s because the portal to absolute-crazy-upon-all-crazy opens when inhibitions are down and emotions run high. I’m surprised my guy friends don’t see this about me, considering I get drunk with them regularly.

Here, I’ve enlisted the help of Ke$ha to illustrate the 5 different (most common) types of crazy drunk girl out there. Ladies, what do you think? Which of these are you? Don’t worry, you can be more than one.

1. The Whore. Every girl has that friend who gets drunk and sleeps with everybody and if you don’t, chances are you’re her! (Good for you! Now go and read “Free Love, People!”)

2. The Crier. Oh God, we’ve all had nights spent vomiting into a sewer drain and crying about that douche that won’t return your calls or texts. Maybe you were The Whore last night and The Crier tonight. Either way, you probably shouldn’t have come out tonight. Next time, buy a bottle of Sutter Home and watch Titanic in your pajamas. That’s what you wanted to do all along, right?

3. The One Who Thinks She’s Helping (AKA The Babysitter). Sometimes there’s this friend that doesn’t realize she’s hammered and takes it upon herself to try to “fix” everybody’s problems. Whether it be comforting The Crier or saving The Whore from another one night stand, she sucks the fun out of every situation because she assumes people should be babysat. Too bad she doesn’t realize that everyone saw her take those Patron shots earlier so they know she’s actually worse off than everyone else there.

4. The Angry Bitch. She’s been pissed off for a while and is looking to dump that onto somebody. She’s the one who will get your group kicked out of the bar because she slapped the guy who jumped in front of her when she was trying to get a drink. She’s like the girl version of Ronnie from the Jersey Shore. She’s got something to prove and she proves it by shitting on people and starting fights.

5. The One Who Thinks She Can Keep Up With The Guys. This is pretty self-explanatory. This type of drunk girl is in denial about her state of sobriety like The Babysitter but suddenly becomes the shitshow under five seconds. All of a sudden she’s puking and everyone is completely unprepared. Sometimes this type can rally and come back for round two, but at least for me, when I’m done I’m done.

Do you agree? Can you think of any more? I’ll admit- I’ve been all of them. Hell, I’ve been most of them in a single night. I just find it odd that my guy friends don’t see this. Maybe I’ve been too sober lately.
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9 Comments

Filed under Booze

9 responses to “The 5 Different Drunk Girl Stereotypes- WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

  1. I’m impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.

  2. i know all of these! i may have been the whore on a few occasions, but mostly i’m the relatively composed but overly-talkative one who discloses too many things in the guise of humor and who is also an impressive stealth puker.

    like you, when i’m done i’m done. i’ve never forgotten a lush-girl in college who prefaced a story with the question, “you know when you are so drunk that you can’t lift your head off the ground but you can still crawl around and talk?”

    my response…”nope. me? i would have puked and/or passed out 17 drinks before that date rape invitation, but go on…”

  3. So funny! Maybe we should add a #6- everyone’s best friend aka the overly talkative one! I’m so guilty of that too. Good for you for admitting you were The Whore on occasion, too. i know a lot of people never like admitting that one (which is funny because The Babysitter is so much less fun, right?)

  4. i can’t stand the babysitter…or the cryer…or, here’s one: the apologizer/thanker – “you’ve done so much for me, i won’t ever be able to thank you enough.” and “one day i will pay you back that money, i swear. i wouldn’t be here without you,” or “you’ve been the best friend to me, i hope you know that.” (slur, slur, empty promise, hug, slur, slur).

  5. Nice post, Love it. Keep it up. I appreciate it.

  6. okay i really have to ask what’s going on in that last photo haha. it lookkkss like she’s drinking out of a heart, like a real fleshygoodness heart. i hope i’m wrong

    • Ok I’m pretty sure it’s animal blood of some kind-no joke. I googled “Ke$ha drinking” and that showed up titled “Ke$ha drinking blood.” I know there’s not much truth to anything posted on the internet but I believe this one. I mean, it’s Ke$ha.

  7. Pingback: J-Man = Jack Daniels | BlahBlahWah!

  8. 'Lou'

    Wow! ALL of these deserved stereotypes were sitting behind me on a flight last night! Unbelievable, but true… A TWO HOUR FLIGHT that seemed to never end. Finally they fell asleep and then we only had to listen to them snoring and smell their nasty breath from between the seats!

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