With all of these prego celebs everywhere I can’t help but feel tempted to jump in on the getting-knocked-up bandwagon. Aside from the fact that I’d have a screaming child to rear, saggy ta-tas, stretchmarks and 20+ extra lbs on my bod, getting pregnant can be pretty advantageous. (For superficial reasons, of course)
The biggest one being the “push present” from my lucky baby daddy. Do you know what a push present is? Wikipedia explains it best, “a present a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years.”
I recently learned of this when some mindless tabloid magazine I can’t remember published an article releasing insider details of Jay-Z’s push present for Bey: a Tiffany’s necklace!
Lucky for ‘dad’, I’m not much of a diamond jewelry lady, but I do have expensive taste. I mean, think about it. I’d say my pain-tolerance threshold is at a solid two out of ten, so I wouldn’t settle for anything less than eighty bucks an hour considering I’m not even counting the nine months I’d be carrying the child (and the abuse my body would deal with from the pregnancy, too). Multiply that by the average time labor lasts, which is 13+ hours (thank you, Yahoo! Answers) and you’re looking at a $1040 push present. Just for me!
I know I’m obviously way too immature and selfish for a baby right now so don’t worry, I’m not actually going to go through with this idea. However, I’m bringing this topic up because when the time comes, I’m totally going to be expecting one and you should too, ladies!
Knocked up image courtesy of this site.