Name-Calling: Some Words are Off-Limits, “Turd” and “Vagina” are Not

I have some bad habits I’d love to break. I crack my knuckles, drunk text, overuse post-it notes, get white deodorant marks on black tee-shirts and correct everyone’s grammar on Facebook.

Yet, before I fix any of those annoying habits or quirks, my goal is to stop using the words “retard” and “gay” when I’m name-calling. Now, I know you might be thinking I should just aim to stop name-calling altogether, but I’m taking baby steps here.

Anyways, I digress.  I just think that calling someone “retarded” or “gay” is hurtful and mean. Gays can’t help being gay and retarded people can’t help being retarded. It’s just a cheap shot, ya know?

I mean, I have lots of gay friends and I’ve run this by them. Most don’t feel offended by it.  Some even use it themselves. (I’d never run “retard” by anyone because I just KNOW that’s such a horrible thing to say.) To keep peace with everyone and avoid hurt feelings, I’m just going to phase out these two words from my vocab. I don’t want to run into that awkward moment when I say, “Oh EM Gee! Nickelback has a new album out? They’re SO gay!” and then the person I’m talking to is like, “Uhhh, thanks a lot. I’m gay.”

How do you rebound from that? What could I possibly say next? “Oh, cool. I love gays, man.” There’s no way I could ever say anything to make myself look like less of a jackass. Right?

Now, because I’m a keen advocate for breaking one bad habit by finding another not-as-bad habit to replace it, I’ve found myself using new name-calling stand-bys: “turd” and “vagina.”

I know girls can’t help but have vaginas, so technically I’m back at square one, but vagina is a funny word and I have one so I’m within that group of people who are allowed to use it in the cruel, demeaning way. Also, like vagina, turd is a funny word. Everyone poops, too, so some isolated class isn’t going to bitch about how people should stop saying it.

What are some of your name-calling stand-bys? Do you say “retarded” or “gay”? You probably should quit doing that too then.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Name-Calling: Some Words are Off-Limits, “Turd” and “Vagina” are Not

  1. My go-to is deuchebag, which I’m pretty sure isn’t that offensive so much as a gross visualization… much like turd.

  2. Speaking of corrections, the possessive form of everyone is everyone’s.

  3. Pingback: Awkward Search Terms | BlahBlahWah!

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