Today I started thinking about The Sex Talk and how I never really had one. I mean, I vaguely remember middle school sex ed and coming home and telling my mom things (why, I don’t know), but I never had a sit-down talk with my parents over condoms or birth control or the pull-and-pray method or abstinence and that crap.
I’m split between feeling very gypped while also feeling very relieved. I mean, it’s a rite of passage. I should have experienced it, ya know? But, at the same time, it would absolutely be the most tense, awkward conversation I’d ever have, so I’m just very glad it never existed.
There are two times in my life when my parents approached me with the topic of sex but not in that awkward birds-and-the-bees type way. It was much more subtle. The first time was when I was a senior in high school. I was a few months away from moving to college and my parents were driving together in the front seat while I was in the back. They were going to drop me off at a friend’s house.
“You’re not having sex with these boys, are you?” My Mom says as she turns around from to look at me from the front seat. Now, this sucks in particular because I’m trapped inside of the car so I’m forced to acknowledge the question.
“Mom, is this The Sex Talk? Don’t you think we should have had this discussion like 5 years ago?” I quip back to deflect the question.
My Dad laughs.
“Just answer the question!” She doesn’t take the bait.
“Mom, we’re not even going to meet up with guys tonight,” (lie) “And no, I’m not.” (truth).
Silence for the rest of the car ride.
The next time my pseudo-sex talk comes is months later. Now, I’m home from a short break from college, pining over some dumb guy and I can’t stop thinking about him. I decide to go to my Dad for advice over this because, who knows young fickle boys better than someone who once was one? Plus, I could tell that my friends were getting annoyed with me so I had to begin using other resources.
I take a good twenty minutes to explain how cool he is and how much I dig him and another twenty minutes explaining what I thought was between us. “He totally told me he’d call me but then he texted me. What does that mean? I mean, he still wanted to talk so that’s good, right?” You get the idea.
My Dad stays silent the entire time until I say, “So what should I do?”
He takes a breath, thinks for a second and then says, “Daisy, guys at your age just want to spread their seed. They’re not looking for a nice girl, they just want to sow their wild oats. That’s all.”
I think that’s the best answer anyone could have ever given me.
So those two times are what I had instead of The Sex Talk. What about yours? How did you/will you approach this topic with your kids?