The Sex Talk

Today I started thinking about The Sex Talk and how I never really had one. I mean, I vaguely remember middle school sex ed and coming home and telling my mom things (why, I don’t know), but I never had a sit-down talk with my parents over condoms or birth control or the pull-and-pray method or abstinence and that crap.

I’m split between feeling very gypped while also feeling very relieved. I mean, it’s a rite of passage. I should have experienced it, ya know? But, at the same time, it would absolutely be the most tense, awkward conversation I’d ever have, so I’m just very glad it never existed.

There are two times in my life when my parents approached me with the topic of sex but not in that awkward birds-and-the-bees type way. It was much more subtle. The first time was when I was a senior in high school. I was a few months away from moving to college and my parents were driving together in the front seat while I was in the back. They were going to drop me off at a friend’s house.

“You’re not having sex with these boys, are you?” My Mom says as she turns around from to look at me from the front seat. Now, this sucks in particular because I’m trapped inside of the car so I’m forced to acknowledge the question.

“Mom, is this The Sex Talk? Don’t you think we should have had this discussion like 5 years ago?” I quip back to deflect the question.

My Dad laughs.

“Just answer the question!” She doesn’t take the bait.

“Mom, we’re not even going to meet up with guys tonight,” (lie) “And no, I’m not.” (truth).

Silence for the rest of the car ride.

The next time my pseudo-sex talk comes is months later. Now, I’m home from a short break from college, pining over some dumb guy and I can’t stop thinking about him. I decide to go to my Dad for advice over this because, who knows young fickle boys better than someone who once was one? Plus, I could tell that my friends were getting annoyed with me so I had to begin using other resources.

I take a good twenty minutes to explain how cool he is and how much I dig him and another twenty minutes explaining what I thought was between us. “He totally told me he’d call me but then he texted me. What does that mean? I mean, he still wanted to talk so that’s good, right?” You get the idea.

My Dad  stays silent the entire time until I say, “So what should I do?”

He takes a breath, thinks for a second and then says, “Daisy, guys at your age just want to spread their seed. They’re not looking for a nice girl, they just want to sow their wild oats. That’s all.”

I think that’s the best answer anyone could have ever given me.

So those two times are what I had instead of The Sex Talk. What about yours? How did you/will you approach this topic with your kids?

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6 Comments

Filed under Awkward, Family

6 responses to “The Sex Talk

  1. Love the picture 🙂
    I never had “The Sex Talk” either.
    However, before I had sex for the first time, I asked my mother about birth control, and since she’s a medical doctor, it was rather clinical and I don’t remember it as awkward at all…
    I have no idea how I will handle it with my kids, if I have any, it’s still much too far away…

    • It sounds to me like you were a responsible young adult! Hopefully your kids would come to you first so you don’t need to pick the time. I feel like its worse for the parents than the kids, though. Thanks for stopping by!

  2. my little brother and I never had the talk either. instead for years we had to painfully endure (as a family) every movie or standup comedy moment that ever mentioned the subject, where we all stare straight ahead and stop breathing… b/c can’t give any signs that we’re interested in or curious about what’s on screen. to this day it’s still a bit awkward hhahha but my brother and i decided recently that (now that hes reached 21 so there’s NOTHING they can say hahaha) we’re being blunt and openly joking about anything we’d normally say around friends or to strangers in public.

    the most visual representation of this moment: watching one of Robin Williams’ all time best standups (probably Robin Williams LIVE on Broadway (2002)) where he starts talking about oral. my parents paused the video, and told my little brother to go to sleep when we all knew he was the most curious. he complained, but then i sat that in that awkward moment with the ‘rents and tried my hardest not to laugh about the subject

    • Oh God movie sex scenes are the worst! Every PG-13/ R movie has a love scene and I used to HATE waiting for it to come along while watching movies with my family. I’m at the age now too where I can sit through it and its OK- sometimes my dad makes a stupid joke- but back when I was 14 it was torture. That’s too funny that your parents told your brother to go to bed, too. I’m sure it was terrible to sit through watching without him there to make it less awkward!

      Thanks for reading!

  3. Never had the talk before either but when I was about 21 my dad asked me once I had a serious boyfriend of 3 years, “You aren’t sleeping with this guy are you?” And it made feel all sorts of uncomfortable before I lied and said, “No of course not.” He wanted to hear me say no but he always knew that was a yes.

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