Women love reality television. Whether it be a Bravo cooking show, Real Housewives, Toddlers in Tiaras or Teen Mom, the fairer sex can’t get enough of fake real life. There’s something about watching other people do stupid shit and pretend like it’s completely normal that makes women glued to the tube like stripes on a zebra. Oh, and any woman who says she doesn’t watch reality television is a liar and shouldn’t be trusted. She’s most likely trying to sound more intelligent and intimidating than you. Don’t trust what she says.
Here, I am going to categorize the types of reality television into four different groups and use scientific research to make shallow assumptions about the type of person you are based on your reality TV preference. Ready? Let’s go:
1. Competitive Connie
Basic Premise of the shows: A lengthy competition with a new challenge each week. One or more contestant is eliminated each week until the final contestant stands and wins something ridiculous like $250,000 and a lap dance.
Real life examples: America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef/Iron Chef, Cupcake Wars, The Amazing Race, The Apprentice, American Idol
What this means: So you’re the most normal category of reality TV watcher. Good for you! There’s enough drama and cut-throat competition in these shows, but you actually end up learning a bit about cooking/cupcakes/modeling/whatever while watching, so it’s not a total waste of time. You are probably very intelligent, adventurous and athletic. A TOTAL catch!
2. Dominique the Diva
Basic Premise of the shows: Quasi-famous people are being followed by cameras
Real life examples: Keeping up with the Kardashians, Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, Mob Wives
What this means: So you’re either one of two extremes: a raging bitch or a ditz with five brain cells. Men, stay away. You are completely undateable. Only upside is that you have a healthy love of justice and equality and know how to stick up for yourself.
3. Self-Esteem Boost Sara
Basic Premise of the shows: Non-famous people being followed by cameras (not to be confused with #2) either because they’re completely ridiculous and don’t realize it or because they’re in a pathetic, shitty situation you’re lucky enough to not have to deal with.
Real life examples: Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, Toddlers in Tiaras, Intervention, Hoarders, Judge Judy, Cheaters
What this means: You probably hate the current path their life is going down, so you use reality TV show to reaffirm the idea that, “well, at least I’m not that guy!” into your brain so you feel better about yourself. You’re also a good girl at heart, so watching these shows kinda makes you feel a little BAD, doesn’t it?
4. Romantic Ramona
Basic Premise of the shows: Looking for love! XOXO
Real life examples: The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, Millionaire Matchmaker, The Challenge: Battle of the Exes
What this means: You want to be swept off your feet (obvi) and you’re either looking for love or in love! You will probably make the greatest girlfriend/housewife ever. You love to cook, clean and cater to your man, but you are a bit emotionally needy.