Category Archives: History and Science

I’d like to say this blog educates as it entertains.

Your NEW Epic Rap Star Name

So, the other night, it occurred to me that I told you the formula for a 2012 epic rap song, but I failed to even point you in some sort of direction as to what kind of rap star name you’d have. Like, HELLO?!? What was I thinking? The rap star name itself is almost as important as your song. It creates your entire image!

Believe me, I could NOT sleep for the rest of the night. I was tossing and turning thinking of pointers for you. Luckily, there are a couple directions you can go in with this:

1. Become an animal. Pitbull, Snoop Dogg (lion) and Tyga are all solid examples of this. This is becoming a tad cliche though, so watch out. Remember Lil Bow Wow? Kid’s a joke. Now he wants to be called “Bow Wow.” Pffft, OK. Like I’m gonna remember to do that. Whatever, dude.

2. Common places or brand names misspelled. Eminem, Timbaland, Flo Rida fall under this category. Remember Salt n Pepa? So do I because their rap star names rock. If you’re lazy and don’t want to put too much time into creating your rapper name, you can have it done in minutes if you go this route. Pepsi, McDonalds, West Virginia, iPod and Saint Louis all haven’t been used yet so go to town.


3. Use “lil,” “Dr.” or “young” to preface something. Personally, I’d go with “Dr.” here. Don’t worry, you don’t need your doctorate or anything… It’s not like people are checking. It’s the best option because it gives you more cred and no one will listen to what you say if they don’t trust you.


4. Create a name outside of the English language. Try using one to two letters and a dash like Ne-Yo or Jay-Z. Didn’t Prince become a symbol for a while? I mean, he’s not a rap star, but it certainly grabbed our attention, amirite? Or why not just create a new word like Akon, JaRule or Shwayze did?


5. If all else fails use your real name. You can spice it up. Jason DeRulo sings his name. Sammy Adams was named after a domestic beer so he doesn’t even have to do anything. Maybe do what Nicki Minaj does- some people call her Nicki and others call her Roman like Kanye West, who sometimes goes by ‘Nye.

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Filed under Celebrity, History and Science

What Your Reality TV Show Says About YOU

Women love reality television. Whether it be a Bravo cooking show, Real Housewives, Toddlers in Tiaras or Teen Mom, the fairer sex can’t get enough of fake real life. There’s something about watching other people do stupid shit and pretend like it’s completely normal that makes women glued to the tube like stripes on a zebra. Oh, and any woman who says she doesn’t watch reality television is a liar and shouldn’t be trusted. She’s most likely trying to sound more intelligent and intimidating than you. Don’t trust what she says.

Here, I am going to categorize the types of reality television into four different groups and use scientific research to make shallow assumptions about the type of person you are based on your reality TV preference. Ready? Let’s go:

1. Competitive Connie 

Basic Premise of the shows: A lengthy competition with a new challenge each week. One or more contestant is eliminated each week until the final contestant stands and wins something ridiculous like $250,000 and a lap dance.
Real life examples: America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef/Iron Chef, Cupcake Wars, The Amazing Race, The Apprentice, American Idol

What this means: So you’re the most normal category of reality TV watcher. Good for you! There’s enough drama and cut-throat competition in these shows, but you actually end up learning a bit about cooking/cupcakes/modeling/whatever while watching, so it’s not a total waste of time. You are probably very intelligent, adventurous and athletic. A TOTAL catch!

2. Dominique the Diva

Basic Premise of the shows: Quasi-famous people are being followed by cameras 
Real life examples:
Keeping up with the Kardashians, Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, Mob Wives

What this means: So you’re either one of two extremes: a raging bitch or a ditz with five brain cells. Men, stay away.  You are completely undateable. Only upside is that you have a healthy love of justice and equality and know how to stick up for yourself.

3. Self-Esteem Boost Sara

Basic Premise of the shows: Non-famous people being followed by cameras (not to be confused with #2) either because they’re completely ridiculous and don’t realize it or because they’re in a pathetic, shitty situation you’re lucky enough to not have to deal with. 
Real life examples:
Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, Toddlers in Tiaras, Intervention, Hoarders, Judge Judy, Cheaters

What this means: You probably hate the current path their life is going down, so you use reality TV show to reaffirm the idea that, “well, at least I’m not that guy!” into your brain so you feel better about yourself. You’re also a good girl at heart, so watching these shows kinda makes you feel a little BAD, doesn’t it?

4. Romantic Ramona

Basic Premise of the shows: Looking for love! XOXO 
Real life examples
The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, Millionaire Matchmaker, The Challenge: Battle of the Exes

What this means: You want to be swept off your feet (obvi) and you’re either looking for love or in love! You will probably make the greatest girlfriend/housewife ever. You love to cook, clean and cater to your man, but you are a bit emotionally needy.

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June 25, 2012 · 2:44 PM

A Brief History of Tebowing

Tebow in the classic Tebow stance

Most scholars assume that the act of “Tebowing” originates with Tim Tebow, NFL quarterback and God-fearing Christian  known for going down on one knee to pray before, during and after games. Like planking, the act of “Tebowing” is now spiking in popularity on the internet, with photos of people “Tebowing” in various places and situations being uploaded constantly.

Now, despite the sudden surge of “Tebowing” popularity, this practice can actually be traced back as early as the fifth dynasty of Egypt, with the origin of Isis, the goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility.

Her early “Tebowing” technique varies greatly from Tim Tebow’s modern take because her bird-wing arms are extended, her head is looking straight forward and she is sitting on her heel.

This practice of “Tebowing” will not be seen again until the year Jesus is born. According to Christian tradition, wisemen and shepherds follow a bright star to “Tebow” in front of the baby Jesus and show reverence for God’s only Son. Unlike Isis’ early “Tebowing” technique, you begin to see some of the more modern “Tebowing” elements: arms are close to the chest and the head is facing downward.

Fast-forward to the ninth century and “Tebowing” surges in popularity again with the “Dvarapala,” or gate-guardian warriors seen in Hindu and Buddhist cultures.

What we now recognize as modern “Tebowing” is believed to have started from the “The Thinker,” a marble and bronze sculpture by Auguste Rodin, completed in 1902.

The end of World War II made “Tebowing” finally popular again with countless memorial statues using this pose:

            

Some liberal scholars believe that “Tebowing” is actually synonymous with the act of kneeling, which is defined by Wikipedia as “a human position in which the weight is distributed on the knees and feet on a surface close to horizontal.”

This new school theory, however, is highly criticized and unanimously rejected by the “Tebowing” Traditionalist school of thought.

Thanks Wikipedia, for letting me rip off some information from you. 

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Filed under History and Science

Holy Shit, It’s a Walking Octopus

Ok can someone explain this to me? What the fuck?

I was innocently browsing through Yahoo today (what the hell else are you supposed to do the day before Thanksgiving) and came across this gem. An OCTOPUS slinking across land. Apparently he (or she) could smell food on land and wanted to explore. Holy Shit!

That’s wicked creepy but also makes me want to have an octopus. How crazy would it be if your octopus just up and peaced from his little tank to steal some crackerjacks from your snack closet? I’d be pretty alarmed at first but that trick alone would be way cooler than any “gimme your paw!” trick a dog could do.

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Filed under History and Science

Legalize it, Man.

I want marijuana to be legal not only because I think it’s awesome, but because every person I’ve ever met in my entire life assumes I’m a raging stoner.

I know I just said marijuana is awesome, but surprisingly enough, I don’t actually smoke (anymore) for personal reasons AKA that shit started making me paranoid.

Going through life having people assume I’m a giant stonebag has awarded me with many friends in the Cheech-and-Chong community and I’m not comfortable with our government trying to legally deny them from something that makes them happy. Think about it: SO MANY people smoke 24/7 and you’d have no idea. Did you just go to Chipotle? I’m sure whoever built your burrito was baked off their ass.“You’re welcome,” says Marijuana.

Aside from the stereotypical stoners (AKA come on now, working at Chipotle pretty much guarantees that you’ve at least TRIED pot), there are many people who smoke on the regular whom you’d never think. I’m taking about psychiatrists, lawyers, financial planners, professional athletes and daycare personnel (just kidding on that last one, that’d be fucked up).

I’m also fairly convinced that many things have been invented and many theories have been created by people while under the influence of Mary Jane. Snuggies, anyone? But also more important things like the theory of gravity. According to science, Sir Isaac Newton thought of this theory while sitting under an apple tree and having one fall on his head. Really? Is that all? Sir Isaac Newton was also taking giant bong rips earlier that day while thinking about time and space. If you don’t agree with me on that, you don’t know anything.

I’m sure that if marijuana stays illegal, my stoner friends will still find ways to get pot because Mexicans will continue to fight to the death in order to drug-mule-traffic that shit into our country (Too soon?). However, innocent, honest citizens will continue to suffer through having to watch annoying (and sorely inaccurate) “Above the Influence” commercials for the extended and indefinite future and THAT, folks, I’m definitely not OK with.

Image courtesy of Chipotle.com. Please don’t get mad at me! 🙂

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Filed under Hallucinogens, History and Science