My earlier Bro-night post made me start to think about the Bro’s preppier cousin, The Frat Guy. Like Bros, every girl needs to experience a Frat Guy night, despite their striking similarities. Lucky for you, I’m here to help define The Frat Guy while I teach the difference between these two closely related man-types. I’ll also outline the ten different types of Frat Guys too, in case you, like me, enjoy catergorizing people.
Now, most importantly I must make it clear that that every Frat Guy is a Bro, but not every Bro is a Frat Guy. This is because every Frat Guy needs to have Bro qualities in order to be considered a Frat Guy, but not all Bros are in frats. Does that make sense? It will. Oh, and if you’re a Frat Guy and believe that you do not fit into one of these different types, then you are either in denial or you simply do n0t exist. Here goes:
- The One Who Joined Because Of Dad- He’s pretty serious about the legacy of this frat and enjoys doing all the stuff the other frat guys just tolerate, like volunteering, fundraising and networking. His mom comes to visit every two weeks or so to bring fresh laundered clothes. All of his extra-curriculars will look great on a law school application, and there’s a 90 percent chance that his name ends with a “II”, “III” or “IV.”
- The Party Guy- John Blutarsky from Animal House. If you don’t understand, you’ve never seen that movie. If you’ve never seen that movie, you should. It’s a classic.
- The Kind-of Gay One– This guy is way serious about brotherhood and everyone kind of suspects he’s gay but would ever actually say anything. He takes the bromance jokes too far by saying stuff like, “Bro, let’s spoon tonight if we don’t score some hot chicks,” or “Wouldn’t it be funny if we got drunk and had a threesome one time?”
- The Sensitive One Who Brings All the Girls in but Can Never Seal the Deal- I think this name pretty much explains itself, however, I must add that he loves to play guitar and wears beanie hats.
- The Druggie- He’s scoring drugs, mostly E or weed, and you can never tell if he’s high or not. (He usually is.)
- Everyone’s Best Friend- He’s been elected social chair and does all the networking for parties. He’s very similar to The Party Guy, the difference being his charm and an overall more wholesome demeanor.
- The Hot One With The Sorority Girlfriend- Goddamn it. They met at freshman orientation or in high school or something and are still going strong. They’ll never break up and if they do, cursed is the bitch who does it.
- The Manwhore- It’s every Frat Guy’s goal to bang lots of chicks, but this one is better at it than everyone because he’s a smooth-talker and has abs that Greek statues dream about. He plows through biddies faster than The Party Guy can win a boat race, despite having a reputation that extends across the free world.
- The Athlete– AKA dumb jock.
- The Foreigner– This guy is from Europe or something and uses his accent to score chicks. It usually works. Hell, I’d fall for it.
A quality that every single Frat Guy must have is the “love” or “feigned love” of drinking. This is very important, and it is also what makes every Frat Guy a Bro. Frat Guys and Bros like to drink more than you do. Even if they don’t, they pretend to and have at least two or three exaggerated stories as their go-to’s in case they think you don’t believe them.