Ok can someone explain this to me? What the fuck?
I was innocently browsing through Yahoo today (what the hell else are you supposed to do the day before Thanksgiving) and came across this gem. An OCTOPUS slinking across land. Apparently he (or she) could smell food on land and wanted to explore. Holy Shit!
That’s wicked creepy but also makes me want to have an octopus. How crazy would it be if your octopus just up and peaced from his little tank to steal some crackerjacks from your snack closet? I’d be pretty alarmed at first but that trick alone would be way cooler than any “gimme your paw!” trick a dog could do.
With Thanksgiving around the corner, I’ve been thinking a lot about family, which got me thinking of stereotypes. When people are stereotyping families, they always include the Creepy Uncle on the list. This made me realize that I don’t have one. There is NO Creepy Uncle in my family.
I know that I shouldn’t be upset by this, but in having multiple Creepy-Uncle-free generations, it’s only natural to conclude that my generation may be due to reap one. My siblings and many cousins are already paired off and I see no sign of Creepy Uncle with them. Does this mean my husband will be him then? Is my future husband- wherever he may be- the newest Creepy Uncle? God, I hope not.
I feel as though women may be able to figure whether or not a potential suitor is Creepy Uncle material. Here are some solid indicators:
- Is he a big drinker? Creepy Uncles always get too drunk and rowdy so chances are, if your man drinks then he could start getting awkward at family functions. This sucks for me because I tend to be attracted to dudes who drink a lot. I’ll have to watch out on this one.
- Is he a manwhore? Creepy Uncles have probably been around the block a couple times (hence #3).
- Is he agressive? The Creepy Uncle will definitely hit on all of your relatives, so I’m sure that during courting, he’d be way forward and touchy-feely. Lucky for me, I have personal-space issues so I hate guys that are like that.
- Is he childish? Creepy Uncles have probably been coddled by their parents and expect people to do everything for them. They pick on the little kids and think that it’s funny when it’s actually super annoying. I would never tolerate this behavior.
So there’s my list for all of you single ladies. I wish a non-Creepy-Uncle-husband for all of you.
Image: SNL “Creep”