Tag Archives: jay-z

Your NEW Epic Rap Star Name

So, the other night, it occurred to me that I told you the formula for a 2012 epic rap song, but I failed to even point you in some sort of direction as to what kind of rap star name you’d have. Like, HELLO?!? What was I thinking? The rap star name itself is almost as important as your song. It creates your entire image!

Believe me, I could NOT sleep for the rest of the night. I was tossing and turning thinking of pointers for you. Luckily, there are a couple directions you can go in with this:

1. Become an animal. Pitbull, Snoop Dogg (lion) and Tyga are all solid examples of this. This is becoming a tad cliche though, so watch out. Remember Lil Bow Wow? Kid’s a joke. Now he wants to be called “Bow Wow.” Pffft, OK. Like I’m gonna remember to do that. Whatever, dude.

2. Common places or brand names misspelled. Eminem, Timbaland, Flo Rida fall under this category. Remember Salt n Pepa? So do I because their rap star names rock. If you’re lazy and don’t want to put too much time into creating your rapper name, you can have it done in minutes if you go this route. Pepsi, McDonalds, West Virginia, iPod and Saint Louis all haven’t been used yet so go to town.


3. Use “lil,” “Dr.” or “young” to preface something. Personally, I’d go with “Dr.” here. Don’t worry, you don’t need your doctorate or anything… It’s not like people are checking. It’s the best option because it gives you more cred and no one will listen to what you say if they don’t trust you.


4. Create a name outside of the English language. Try using one to two letters and a dash like Ne-Yo or Jay-Z. Didn’t Prince become a symbol for a while? I mean, he’s not a rap star, but it certainly grabbed our attention, amirite? Or why not just create a new word like Akon, JaRule or Shwayze did?


5. If all else fails use your real name. You can spice it up. Jason DeRulo sings his name. Sammy Adams was named after a domestic beer so he doesn’t even have to do anything. Maybe do what Nicki Minaj does- some people call her Nicki and others call her Roman like Kanye West, who sometimes goes by ‘Nye.

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Push Presents: Another Reason Why Being a Lady is Awesome

With all of these prego celebs everywhere I can’t help but feel tempted to jump in on the getting-knocked-up bandwagon. Aside from the fact that I’d have a screaming child to rear, saggy ta-tas, stretchmarks and 20+ extra lbs on my bod, getting pregnant can be pretty advantageous. (For superficial reasons, of course)

The biggest one being the “push present” from my lucky baby daddy. Do you know what a push present is? Wikipedia explains it best, “a present a new father gives a new mother when she gives birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years.”

I recently learned of this when some mindless tabloid magazine I can’t remember published an article releasing insider details of Jay-Z’s push present for Bey: a Tiffany’s necklace!

Lucky for ‘dad’, I’m not much of a diamond jewelry lady, but I do have expensive taste. I mean, think about it. I’d say my pain-tolerance threshold is at a solid two out of ten, so I wouldn’t settle for anything less than eighty bucks an hour considering I’m not even counting the nine months I’d be carrying the child (and the abuse my body would deal with from the pregnancy, too). Multiply that by the average time labor lasts, which is 13+ hours (thank you, Yahoo! Answers) and you’re looking at a $1040 push present. Just for me!

I know I’m obviously way too immature and selfish for a baby right now so don’t worry, I’m not actually going to go through with this idea. However, I’m bringing this topic up because when the time comes, I’m totally going to be expecting one and you should too, ladies!

Knocked up image courtesy of this site.

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