Tag Archives: language

Free Love, People!

I recently posted a blog article, “I Don’t Mean to Sound Like a Total Bitch, But…” the other day and it made me start to think about other phrases people use that are vastly ineffective and obviously untrue. One of the best ones is when people say, “I swear to God I NEVER do this!” when they’re having a one-night stand. OK, #1 of course you have! You are not fooling anyone, especially after saying that and #2 who cares, anyways? You might as well just not care if the other person thinks you’re a total whore and just roll with it. You probably won’t ever see them again after that night and chances are you probably won’t even want to anyways. They picked you up from that bar because they thought you were hot and easy, not because you’re good with kids or had a 3.8 GPA at an Ivy League school.

Now, I’m going to sound hypocritical here but I’ve never actually DONE that. Like, I’ve never had a one night stand before. (This is because of years and year of parochial schooling, which I’ll touch upon during a later post. Don’t think that this means I’m all judgmental and bitchy about those who have.) However, if I ever did, I’d never say that “I’ve never done this” phrase because I’d want to play it off all cool like I’m a badass. I’d want them to assume that I’m an amazing super-slut. That way, they wouldn’t worry about me possibly being clingy after and I wouldn’t worry about seeming like a tight-ass. It’d be win-win.

Also, check out this blog article that talks about one night stands, too. It’s hilarious!

Image courtesy of The Frisky

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Filed under Booze, L-O-V-E

They: WHO are “They”?

Ever since I was a kid, I remember listening to adults say, “Oh, you know what they always say…” followed by some cliche phrase like, “the grass is always greener” or “be careful what you wish for.” At the time, I imagined a conference room somewhere with a group of people in business suits literally sitting down and creating these overused phrases for others to quote.

Years later, I began to realize that “they” are not actual people and just nobody in particular. Yet it’s obvious to assume that “they” had to start somewhere, right? I mean, someone must’ve thought of it, then said it and, of course, the cliche eventually spread. I wonder if one or some of the original “they” phrase people is old, alone and alive somewhere seething with wrath over how he’s not being cited. I know I would be. Maybe that’s why Paris Hilton wanted to copyright the phrase, “That’s hot!” Could you imagine 50 or so years from now people regularly saying, “You know what they always say, that’s hot!” Paris Hilton would be pissed.

Despite not being recognized by the whole of society, I want to start one of those “they” sayings anyways. I want to because someday, maybe I’ll be at a cocktail party or by an office water cooler somewhere when someone repeats my phrase. I’d immediately interject and say, “No ‘they’ never said that. I said it! That was ME!” I’m sure they’d look at me like I was crazy or something, but by that point I’m hoping I’d be famous or of a superior societal importance so I wouldn’t care, really.

Do you have a favorite “they” phrase?

Image courtesy of this random website I found on a google image search.

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Filed under Awkward