Tag Archives: mean

Name-Calling: Some Words are Off-Limits, “Turd” and “Vagina” are Not

I have some bad habits I’d love to break. I crack my knuckles, drunk text, overuse post-it notes, get white deodorant marks on black tee-shirts and correct everyone’s grammar on Facebook.

Yet, before I fix any of those annoying habits or quirks, my goal is to stop using the words “retard” and “gay” when I’m name-calling. Now, I know you might be thinking I should just aim to stop name-calling altogether, but I’m taking baby steps here.

Anyways, I digress.  I just think that calling someone “retarded” or “gay” is hurtful and mean. Gays can’t help being gay and retarded people can’t help being retarded. It’s just a cheap shot, ya know?

I mean, I have lots of gay friends and I’ve run this by them. Most don’t feel offended by it.  Some even use it themselves. (I’d never run “retard” by anyone because I just KNOW that’s such a horrible thing to say.) To keep peace with everyone and avoid hurt feelings, I’m just going to phase out these two words from my vocab. I don’t want to run into that awkward moment when I say, “Oh EM Gee! Nickelback has a new album out? They’re SO gay!” and then the person I’m talking to is like, “Uhhh, thanks a lot. I’m gay.”

How do you rebound from that? What could I possibly say next? “Oh, cool. I love gays, man.” There’s no way I could ever say anything to make myself look like less of a jackass. Right?

Now, because I’m a keen advocate for breaking one bad habit by finding another not-as-bad habit to replace it, I’ve found myself using new name-calling stand-bys: “turd” and “vagina.”

I know girls can’t help but have vaginas, so technically I’m back at square one, but vagina is a funny word and I have one so I’m within that group of people who are allowed to use it in the cruel, demeaning way. Also, like vagina, turd is a funny word. Everyone poops, too, so some isolated class isn’t going to bitch about how people should stop saying it.

What are some of your name-calling stand-bys? Do you say “retarded” or “gay”? You probably should quit doing that too then.


Filed under Uncategorized

Pretty %$#(ing Bitchy, Dude

Ok, so I dont think I ever really became a bitch until I started to work full-time. This is because I was less miserable in life when I was living like a fucking LA rapper in college with parties 24/7 and no real job or debt. Now, it’s harder NOT to be a bitch when I go into work to make stupid small talk about weekend plans and the weather instead of crawling out of bed at 11AM to smoke weed through the upstairs bathroom vents.

I’m mostly a bitch because of the things I don’t say or react to more so than from being confrontational or having an attitude. I can’t control or fake reactions to stupid things people say or do that they consider funny. My college-self would be able to produce a seemingly-genuine belly laugh or at least a smile, whereas my real world self now grunts, turns around and stares into the computer screen as if there is work to do.

Thus, I’ve become some sort of a bitch.

I know it could be worse with all of this “Occupy” shit going on, but I’m finding it harder and harder to not run out of my office and crawl back into bed. Gahhhh

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Filed under Work

“I Don’t Mean to Sound Like a Total Bitch, But…”

I’ll admit it- I’m guilty of saying this a lot and usually do when I’m gossiping with girl friends. However, I think it’s probably the stupidest statement in the world because usually whenever someone says that, they do sound like a total bitch and prefacing what you’re about to say with it doesn’t make you sound nicer or better. If anything, it makes you sound even bitchier because you know that what you’re going to say is super rude and you choose to say it anyways.

Instead, I think people should just embrace how bitchy and abrasive they are and say everything outright. Our society as a whole has become WAY too sensitive about tip-toeing around people’s feelings anyways, so there’s a good chance that no matter what you say, someone will be offended by it.

Falling victim to using the phrase myself, I know what the intention is upon saying it. You want to avoid apologizing for what you’re about to say after you say it. You want to avoid the drama of pissing someone off by giving it to them straight. Yet, to me,  saying it always backfires and it never has the intended effect.

What if everyone could say whatever they wanted after saying that phrase with no consequence? Could you image what political leaders could do? Barack Obama could be having a presidential debate with the Republican nominee (ahem, Mitt Romney) and just shoot up and say, “Ummm, Mitt, I don’t mean to sound like a total bitch but I just don’t trust you because you’re a Mormon.” I’m sure Mitt would be dumbfounded (and hurt).

I could see it being said at the doctor’s office too, for example. After your cholesterol results come in (and by the way, you’re kind of chunky) your doctor enters into the room while you’re sitting on that table-thingie and says, “Ummm I don’t mean to sound like a total bitch but you could afford to lose a few. Go on a diet or something. Cheetos aren’t a vegetable.”

I’m beginning to slowly realize that saying this phrase could actually contribute with society’s need to feel offended by everything. I mean, sometimes when I’ve said it before, I’ve realized my statement isn’t that bitchy after all. However, because I just used that phrase, the person is mildly pissed off anyways. I think this is because upon hearing “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but” a lot of people just automatically brace themselves for a grossly offensive statement.


Filed under Awkward