I’ve never really been interested in making people jealous by having the latest, greatest version of the newest iThing. In fact, I’ve come to find that people who don’t wait for the sale or price drop are rather sad and pathetic and have nothing more exciting or engaging to look forward to in their lives. The 4S came out recently, and I can say with complete confidence that I couldn’t care less about whether or not I have an app that shows dots on a map telling me where people are. If I really cared, I’d just call people and say “Hey, where are you?” and trust that their responses would be genuine.
The first time I got a non-ghetto flip phone was because it was a free upgrade and I asked the phone-kiosk dude for a phone “with the alphabet buttons.” He looked at me like I was a moron and said, “Uhhh, you mean a keypad?” and then I said, “Don’t be a fucking wise-ass.” (Just kidding, I never said that last part).
At first, I loved this shiny, cool new slick red phone (minus a data plan) but now I’m slowly beginning to realize that it sucks and I should just cave in and get a shinier, cooler smartphone. Phones aren’t phones anymore, and I have to at least be in my 40’s to be able to use that whole “All I do is make calls and get calls- isn’t that what phones are made to do anyways?” stupid-joke response. I’m also not in college anymore so I can’t say, “Oh, I’m a poor college student- I don’t have money for a data plan- it goes to my beer and weed fund.”
In addition to the social stigmas about twenty-somethings being obligated to have a smartphone, here are my practical reasons:
- I can send and receive approximately five text messages before my phone says that the mailbox is full.
- Autocorrect. I don’t have that. I know autocorrect sucks sometimes and makes embarrassing corrections but for the majority of times, autocorrect makes texting easier and less annoying.
- I’m sick of all the scratches on my screen and having a smartphone would make me care enough to buy that clear sticky stuff to put on it.
- Angry Birds.
- I want to be able to talk to my phone and say “Call (so-in-so)” instead of scrolling through my entire address book for fifteen minutes and then skipping over the name and having to go back.
- Smartphones- specifically iPhones- keep your entire texting conversation and shows both parts of it. My phone only has an inbox and outbox so if I get all creepy and want to mull over a text-message exchange with some dude I’m pathetically pining over, it’s all right there and I don’t need to go back and forth from the inbox to the outbox.
So there you have it.
image courtesy of right here
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