Don’t jump to conclusions, FBI. I’m not a prostitute.
However, I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it. Upscale hookers could make like $3k in a night. Do I make that in a month? I don’t want to answer that question.
I owe approximately a BAJILLION dollars to Sallie Mae and other federal/state loan companies I whored my debt onto and sold my soul to for an education. If I was an escort for ONE NIGHT a week and made, say, $1k-2k each time, I’d pay of all that debt off in no time.
Downpayment on a house? NO PROBLEMO, brah. I’d work 2-3 times a week and that money’s in the BANK, dude. Then I could spend the rest of my time working part-time as a writer. All my whore stories would eventually buy me an awesome book deal.
Now, my Catholic upbringing would never allow me to do this. If I got paid for sex ONE TIME, I’d fear the wrath of God coming down from the heavens to blacken my already-charred human soul. Saint Peter would shake his head and then shun me from ever entering the pearly gates of heaven. He’d white-out my name from his list of “Ones to be Saved” for eternity.
But, that’s just me. In another life and in another world I’d do it. (Haha “do it”! Get it? I’m so funny, aren’t I?)
I’d be the happy hooker, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Women, except I wouldn’t walk the streets. It’d be more of a referral-based type of hookering (Or is it ‘hooking’?). I’d create a solid base of clientele and work only for myself. I’ve got good business sense and I wouldn’t want to give anybody else a cut of MY cha-ching, ya know?
So, would you ever sell your bod to pay bills? Have you thought about it?
Image courtesy of this random website I found via google search
Filed under L-O-V-E, Work
With Thanksgiving around the corner, I’ve been thinking a lot about family, which got me thinking of stereotypes. When people are stereotyping families, they always include the Creepy Uncle on the list. This made me realize that I don’t have one. There is NO Creepy Uncle in my family.
I know that I shouldn’t be upset by this, but in having multiple Creepy-Uncle-free generations, it’s only natural to conclude that my generation may be due to reap one. My siblings and many cousins are already paired off and I see no sign of Creepy Uncle with them. Does this mean my husband will be him then? Is my future husband- wherever he may be- the newest Creepy Uncle? God, I hope not.
I feel as though women may be able to figure whether or not a potential suitor is Creepy Uncle material. Here are some solid indicators:
- Is he a big drinker? Creepy Uncles always get too drunk and rowdy so chances are, if your man drinks then he could start getting awkward at family functions. This sucks for me because I tend to be attracted to dudes who drink a lot. I’ll have to watch out on this one.
- Is he a manwhore? Creepy Uncles have probably been around the block a couple times (hence #3).
- Is he agressive? The Creepy Uncle will definitely hit on all of your relatives, so I’m sure that during courting, he’d be way forward and touchy-feely. Lucky for me, I have personal-space issues so I hate guys that are like that.
- Is he childish? Creepy Uncles have probably been coddled by their parents and expect people to do everything for them. They pick on the little kids and think that it’s funny when it’s actually super annoying. I would never tolerate this behavior.
So there’s my list for all of you single ladies. I wish a non-Creepy-Uncle-husband for all of you.
Image: SNL “Creep”