I’m a drunk texter and I hate it. I can’t even tell you how many Saturday and Sunday mornings I’d wake up saying to myself, “Shit, I can’t believe I texted THAT person! What the fuck did I even SAY?” I’d then backtrack through my entire texting history and realize that I also texted 1,843,232 other people I shouldn’t have.
With such experiences, I’ve come to find that deleting my entire texting history just eliminates the desire to mull over my previous night’s indiscretions. I mean at this point, I’ve said enough embarrassing shit via drunken text so how bad could it actually be? They’re probably drunk, I’m drunk- whatever, right?
However, for some reason, I still sometimes become upset over it. I get flashbacks of the shit I say and inwardly cringe. I think the content itself doesn’t really upset me as much as my ability to use perfect grammar and punctuation while being completely and utterly black-out shit-faced. This stemmed from my desire to have the person figure I’m not THAT drunk. Over the years, I’ve slowly become a master of pristine black-out drunk-text spelling and grammar. This skill has now backfired because I’m quite confident that the receivers of my drunken texts now assume that I’m not drunk at all and would, in fact, soberly say the ridiculous bullshit I drunkenly text.
Currently, I feel as though this drunk-text pendulum needs to swing a wee bit back into the illegible, “I-can’t-even-GUESS-at-what-the-fuck-she-was-trying-to-say” zone. Sometimes I realize this and fuck up some letters and add numbers to let them know I’m not sober. I haven’t consistently been able to master this though. Being drunk makes you forget and being a drunk-texter makes you just want to send the stupid text message out already and be done with it.
I know that some people are just going to say, “Well why do you need to send texts in the first place? Get rid of your phone.” That’s not that easy because A.) drunk texting is an addiction and B.) if you’re lost in a dive bar and two of your friends are about to leave without you, you need your cell phone there to make sure you get that phone call.
Image courtesy of this guy.